Thursday, October 28, 2010

seriously?! this $h!t doesn't work. end. of. story.

Alright, most of you know that i have an intense love affair with food. food is not just nourishment for me. food is my crutch. if i'm sad, i eat. if i'm happy, i eat. if i'm mad, i eat. If i'm bored, i eat. i am the epitome of 'emotional eater'. not only am i an emotional eater, but i *SWEAR* that my stomach is a black, bottomless hole. i will eat until the point where it physically hurts. i blame my food habits on my mom. my food problems stem from childhood...i was never allowed to leave the table until i finished all the food on my plate. I learned to deal with the pain, i guess.
anyways, fast forward to today and the point of this blog entry. i have tried ALL these things (before this list ever came out) and have not lost any weight, but maintained it. (i guess that's better than the alternative of gaining weight)...however, i'd like to call attention specifically to number 10 on this list....'VISUALIZE YOURSELF THIN'. seriously!? i honestly visualize myself as a victoria's secret model (on a daily basis, i might add) when i'm stuffing my face with ice cream, or little debbie ho ho's...or potato chips or cupcakes..you can insert any type of food here, really. <-no sarcasm there either. visualizing myself thin does the exact opposite...i picture myself "thin" and think, 'eh, another bowl of ice cream is not gonna KILL me...." and that's where i get into trouble. i think a more effective strategy (for me, at least) is to picture myself as a fat cow and get into THAT mentality...the mentality that i have to work to be thin. that i have to watch what i eat...that i have to workout twice as hard as anyone else. sad, but true. anyways, i wanted to share the link even though all their tips are common sense. sheesh, cosmo. i expected more from you...i'm disappointed.

"10 best weight loss tips EVER" according to Cosmo...according to me, this shit is common sense...

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Vivid Imagination?!

So, i suppose i have a very vivid imagination since my dream last night was wicked crazy. "they" say that dreams are usually composed of things you've done or thought of throughout the day...but i am pretty sure i didn't have any conversations about space shuttles as airplanes that crashed in my mom's backyard or little cute asian babies or random superheroes...actually, i'm positive i didn't. here's what i remember from my wacky dream last night...

i dreamt that i was in this house that was right behind my mom's...it was GORGEOUS...there were these awesome chandeliers that were hanging from the vaulted ceilings...i remember looking up at them and checking out all the awesome art work on the walls and the beautiful furniture....i had this distinct feeling that i had been in that house before but i couldn't put my finger on when that was. so as i'm walking around, i look out one of the windows and i can see my mom's backyard. i point to it and tell whomever was with me (can't remember who it was or if i even knew them) but i turn my head to look at the person i'm talking to...to tell them that that was my mom's house...then when i turn back to look out the window and point at the house, i see this HUGE space shuttle, which i assume was supposed to be an airplane...only because it had 'delta' written on the side in big, bold letters. my mouth drops open because i see that the plane/shuttle is 1. HUGE. 2. flying extremely low to the ground. The next thing i know, the shuttle/plane lands right in between my mom's yard and her neighbor's. it looked like it landed straight down and in one piece, but then i turn my head to yell at the person that was with me, 'LOOK! DID YOU SEE THAT?!' and then i look back out the window, and the space shuttle is not up in flames, but smoking, and is in like, 3 separated pieces. So, then i yell that we need to go help them, but i smell this AWFUL smell...probably from the smoke, i dunno...and the person was like, wait....we need to wait. and then she/he goes, this baby (super cute toddler that suddenly appeared...he was definitely an asian baby-just not sure what ethnicity) the youtube video...he really wants to see it. so this little asian toddler walks very unsteadly over to where i was sitting, and plops down in my lap. I turn on the computer, and i am freaking out, because i know there are people hurt in that space shuttle/plane that i need to help, and the stench is giving me a headache, and i'm thinking, this baby shouldn't be exposed to this nasty smell--it could be toxic...but i end up turning the computer on and showing him a youtube clip of some super hero...i can't remember if it was spiderman or superman, but the kid is definitely entertained. when the clip is over, he simply says, 'again'...and then i wake up.

it was so weird. i definitely remember that i dreamt in color...i remember seeing a light green color on the walls and the cute, asian baby had dark, black hair and was wearing a white onesie with some picture on it...he was ADORABLE!

i don't usually remember my dreams...and i have NO CLUE what this one means, but it was highly entertaining!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I. HATE. MECHANICS. well, not all of them....

The title pretty much sums it up, but rest assured, i WILL go into details....this is definitely NOT one of the things i was looking forward to this month. UGH.

THIS story is going to begin on saturday. So, i was *supposed* to go out and meet up with some friends saturday night. BUT, my body had other plans...i had a massive headache and stomach ache...(the stomach ache was TOTALLY my fault...ATE WAY TOO MUCH...i think the headache was the result of the stomach ache) anyways, instead of going out, i decided it was best to stay home and nurse myself back to health. I figured i would get up early sunday morning....go the gym, run some errands and get back to the house before the redskins-eagles game.

So now, it's sunday morning....i wake up...and hop outta bed...i'm feeling good and i'm ready to hit up the gym. so i change into gym clothes and head out the door. I jump into the car and buckle myself in and try to start my car. only, my car had OTHER plans. (*side note, this story is really best told face to face so that you can see all my hand gestures and i can make the sound effects, so i apologize...but i HAD to get this off my chest...back to the story now). so, it is making this noise (insert sound effect) and it SOUNDS like it's going to start, but it just doesn't. now, a NORMAL person would immediately think, 'crap. something broke and now the car is not working', but let's face it, i'm far from normal. here's what I do...i keep trying to start the car. after at least 4-5 times of no luck, i think, 'hmmm, maybe it's user error?!' so i get out of the car...think to myself, maybe the car needs to 'rest' <--this, is where i immediately realize that i AM my mother's daughter. because that is totally something crazy that, again, most people would never think in this situation. i get out of the car, and head back into the house. i wait for about 20 minutes, and head back outside to check on the car. i try to start the car again, and it doesn't start. it's about this time that my common sense kicks in....and i realize, the car has some kind of issue. i pop the hood, and i "pretend" like i know what i'm looking for...i rule out the battery, the starter, and the alternator...why?! i don't know why, it just sounded good/right/made me feel better.
after the realization that i was not going to be able to do anything that i wanted to do, i call my insurance company to see if they can give me advice or help me in any way. to be honest, i have NO idea what kind of coverage i have....i receive all the packets, but there is so much boring information...i just don't want to waste my time reading all that crap. i call geico and my conversation with the geico lady went a little something like this:

geico lady: thank you for calling geico, my name is X, how can i help you today?
me: i dunno if i have roadside assistance or if my situation even qualifies, but my car won't start. i'm not stranded anywhere....well, i'm stranded at my house...i'm not sitting on the side of the road or anything...am i covered?
geico lady: let me check. looks like you are! we can get a tow truck out to your house, just need a little information from you...

etc, etc...point is, i didn't have to pay for my car to get towed...one less expense i have to worry about. so YAY! sounds like this story is starting off pretty well, right?! well, hang on...it DOES get worse...

so the tow truck guy comes and picks up my car (and me, i might add) and brings me and the POS car to the closest place that was open on a sunday (and HERE is where it REALLY starts)...the closest mechanic was a shop off of 29. ladies and gentlemen, here is my PSA...DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT TAKE YOUR CAR TO GOODYEAR GEMINI TIRE AND AUTO IN CENTREVILLE. i walk into the shop, and there are AT LEAST 5 guys standing behind the computers, and i'm standing there, just waiting for ONE of them to acknowledge my presence. FINALLY, after 10-15 minutes, one guy says, 'can i help whoever is next?!" i look to my left, look to my right, behind me...there is NO ONE THERE BUT ME...whatever. i walk up, and tell him, my car was towed and need it fixed. he asks me what's wrong, and i describe the problem and hand over the keys. he tells me 'it's gonna cost you $100 for us to even look at it'...at this point, i'm at their mercy. i have no choice but to say, uhhh, okay and walk out the door. as i'm walking home, i start thinking about how much this repair is going to cost me and i start to get pissed. i have to pay you to just look at my car...aka, a diagnostics test?! i've never even heard of that before. UGH. i keep walking and i keep getting upset...i just know that if they're going to charge me $100 bucks just to look at it, then it definitely is going to cost me an arm, a leg, and my first born child. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat.

i get home and *TRY* to relax. i start watching the skins game, and i'm starting to get into a better mood, since the skins did SOOOOO WELL in the first quarter on McNabb's old stomping grounds :) sorry eagles fans...heh. anyways, as i'm beginning to feel better, i get the dreaded call from the mechanic. i brace myself for the news....here. we. go. he tells me....wait for it.....wait for it.....SIX TO SIXTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS. at this time, common sense has DEFINITELY kicked in. i go, ummm, exactly what is wrong with the car?! he tells me that the distributor has gone bad. so, as he's talking, i decide to check auto zone to see how much a distributor costs....LESS THAN 300 DOLLARS PEOPLE...which means, he was going to charge me 300-1300 bucks in LABOR. i pretty much lose my shit at this point and not just because of the INSANE overly charged quote, but because it is situations like these, that make me HATE mechanics. now, i know there are some very honest ones out there...but in this particular situation, i feel like i'm getting taken advantage of. i call around to a few other shops monday morning and get quotes for $5-600 dollars. i IMMEDIATELY call goodyear and the convo goes like this:

me: okay, i've called around and have received another quote that is NOT as high as yours. i was told that for parts and labor, it'll only cost me $500 bucks. now, if you can meet their quote, i'll approve you doing the service. otherwise, don't touch my car and i'll have it towed to this other location.
mechanic: so, you were quoted $500 dollars for the parts and labor?

and i think to myself, isn't that what i JUST said?!

me: YES. parts and labor. the distributor, distributor cap, and the motha f*ckin rotor (okay, maybe i didn't add the motha f*ckin...but i was definitely pissed)
mechanic: okay, let me see what i can do and i'll call you back.

10 LONG minutes go by and i finally get a call back.

mechanic: okay, we can bring it down to $700 dollars for the estimate.
me: NOPE. that's still too high. especially since this other shop is only going to charge me $500. PLUS, i checked how much a distributor costs, and it's less than $300 dollars. i'll have the car towed and i'll pay for your stupid diagnostic fee, but DO NOT do anything else to my car.

i get my car towed to the other shop and luckily, i had vented to the shop lady and i believe she gave me an honest quote...probably because i told her that i did my research. now, at this point, i decide, i'm still pissed. if i HADN'T done all this research, goodyear would have TOTALLY taken advantage of me...of course, i equate this to the fact that i'm a GIRL and have NO FREAKIN CLUE about cars. i decide that i'm going to do the only thing i can to "vent"...i start a yelp account and do a review...LOL. I guess it was my way of 'stickin it to the man'. LOL. i don't know how many people actually use yelp, but i figured it'll make me feel better. total passive aggressive move, but i don't care. then, i get some cojones, and send an email to the shop. i basically tell them that they discriminate against women and that i'll never take my business to them EVER AGAIN. i didn't really expect them to do anything, but then i get a call from the shop manager. crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrap. i'm so much angrier via emails/texts/reviews than i am in person or on the phone.

i basically reiterate everything i said in the email, and he *trys* to assure me that it's NOT because i'm a female. and my response?! i say, can you see how i could think that though?! you were quoting me $600-1600 dollars. that is a HUGE window and it wasn't until AFTER i told you that i got another quote that was only $500, that you changed your tune and lowered the quote to $700. honestly, it makes you look bad. like, here is this stupid girl that knows nothing about cars, and it's a perfect opportunity to take advantage of her. his response, and i quote " 50% of our clients are women"...umm, i feel like anyone can say that. that shit doesn't make me feel better. what WOULD'VE made me feel better is if you didn't make me do this run around crap because you were going to overcharge me and if you gave me a refund for that stupid diagnostics test. then MAYBE i'll THINK of giving you my business again. until then, F-YOU, GOODYEAR GEMINI TIRE AND AUTO IN CENTREVILLE, F-YOU.

Point of the story is this...ladies, be careful who you trust. luckily, i'm a jaded bia, so i don't trust anyone. besides, family and friends, of course :)

Monday, October 4, 2010

I MET SANTANA MOSS!!!!

had to share this...I MET SANTANA MOSS...#89 OF THE REDSKINS!!!! <--yes, i was yelling that! i am now, officially in love with him. (yes, i know he's probably married) but i can still admire from afar ;) in all seriousness, i get so excited when i met a celebrity that doesn't let fame or fortune get to their head. it's so admirable. santana is definitely in this group of celebrities/sports stars (unlike, some dbag players....*cough...*ALBERT HAYNESWORTH*...cough, cough* ANTAWN JAMISON*...cough) but i digress...those stories are for another time.....

back to santana...i met him at PNC bank...i guess he was doing a signing/promotion and my friend/co-worker, kim, called me and the conversation went like this:

me: hello?
kim: lisa. whatever you're doing, stop. get to the PNC bank by your house NOW.
me: huh?! why?!
kim: just do it. santana moss is here. get over her NOW.

so, my nap got cut short and i jumped outta bed, changed, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and was literally out the door in 10 minutes flat. we had to stand in line for a little while, but it was worth it! as we were walking in, the pnc people were yelling, only candid pics and one autograph per person...so as we get in there, i ask santana to sign my tank top...see below:

SANTANA MOSS SIGNING MY TANK TOP! 

What really made me smile, is that although the PNC employees stated no pictures other than candids, he took the time to take a picture with Kim's nephew. He pointed to my camera and even posed.

Dylan and Santana...right after Santana pointed to my camera!

And after the event was supposed to be over, he let others come up and take pictures with him. It shows what a cool guy Santana really is... and i think it shows that he values his fans...Awesome guy :)

posing with fans long after the event was over!

posing for pictures...cool dude.
 

So sorry i've neglected you....

Soooooo, it's been about a month since my last blog. i've neglected it...why, you ask?!!? because september is super hectic at work since it's the fiscal year end for the government....this is an accurate recap of my september:

work, work, work, aziz ansari show, narce's surprise 30th birthday party, work, work, work, and more work.

that would sum up the ENTIRE month for me. LOL.

Having said that, let me tell you about the two events that i was able to attend, aziz ansari and narce's 30th.

As I suspected, aziz was HILARIOUS. i was freaking out because my brother is ALWAYS late...and i was taking him to go see aziz. (it was only fair...i wouldn't have any idea of who aziz is if joey didn't show me some youtube clips). i told joey to be at my house NO LATER THAN 5:30 because i wanted to be on the road NO LATER THAN 6:30...surprisingly, joey made it to the house on time...but in normal "joey" fashion, he needed to shower and get ready. he seriously takes longer to get ready than any girl that i know. so, i tell him to get into the shower now so we can get food and then get to DC and find parking. i wasn't sure what the parking situation would be since this was the first time that i was going to be going to the warner theatre. (awesome venue, btw...it's a smaller venue and it's beautiful inside-definitely check it out if you're in the area). 6:00 rolls around and i don't hear the shower running...so i start pacing...(if you know me, you know that i HATE being late)...so i'm watching the clock...sitting on the couch, getting up...start pacing again...and still NO SHOWER running...finally at 6:15, the shower starts. and at this point, i know we're going to be late. there is NO way that joey can get ready in fifteen minutes. it's not his 'style'. we finally leave the house at 6:45...i ask joey, just out of curiosity, why it took him so long...and this is his response (and i quote):

"well, i didn't work out today, so i decided to do 100 push ups before i got in the shower"

ummmm, SERIOUSLY!?! LOL. we manage to hit up chipotle (one of our favorite places to eat) and then we get on the road at 7...the show started at 7:30...so, as i'm RACING down 66 and 495, i'm secretly cursing joey for making me late...and praying that aziz has an opener so that we don't miss any of aziz's stand up. After hitting some traffic and saying some prayers to get us to the show, we finally get into DC. We park and walk across the street to the warner theatre...HOORAY! Aziz has an opener!!! i have never been so excited in my entire life! so we hit the bathrooms and then duck into the theatre...i can't remember aziz's opening act, but the little bit of his act that we saw, was pretty funny! i wish i could remember his name :/ anyways, as suspected, aziz put on an AWESOME show..joey and i were in tears from laughing so hard. his new stand up is pretty funny, and he came out and did some of his old jokes. he's awesome...still crushin' a lil on him ;) heh. check out some of his pics...such a daper looking dude...LOVE YOU AZIZ!!!! ;)







The next night, was reserved for narce's 30th birthday. Now, since 30 is a big milestone, the party had to be off the chain! ;) ana and joy definitely pulled off a GREAT party! If you know narce, you know that she has a love for 'theme' parties...for her 29th birthday, she did a 70s roller skating party...the year before that, she did an 80s party...this girl LOVES themes! so, having said that, ana and joy definitely wanted to bring her love of theme parties into the surprise. they pulled it off wonderfully! they decided to do a masquerade party for her.  it was great! the only problem was trying to figure out who was who! they requested that everyone wear black or white...so that narce could really stand out in her outfit. it definitely worked. narce looked gorgeous in her new, floor length, one shoulder, BCBG dress...simply amazing. I definitely loved how everyone participated in the theme...everyone was dressed to the nines and decked out in masks. it just showed how much everyone cares for narce. the only "hitch" is that it wasn't really a surprise :/ she pretty much knew about the festivities. other than that, it was FABULOUS. narce's whole family was there...brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, mom, dad...it was great! and kudos to ana and joy...i'm sure it was stressful...trying to pull of this party...but you guys did AWESOME! :) check out the pics below from the par-tay:

SURPRISE!!! HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY NARS!!!

best friends. ivory and ebony ;) kidding. me and will.

gorgeous girls!

narce's family...mom, dad, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews...the whole clan!


birthday girl and me :)

And that, recaps my entire month of september. ugh. i promise that i'll blog more in october! lots of fun stuff to look forward to this month! :)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

512 area code...STOP MESSIN' WITH MY NON-EXISTANT BF....

after the lazy labor day weekend, i had no choice but to go to the gym. (because i did nothing all weekend long besides stuff my face--chipotle was calling my name). it was DEFINITELY a necessary trip to burn the 500 million calories in ONE chipotle burrito--those things are SOOOO DELICIOUS...ANYWAYS, after leaving the gym, i proceed to check my phone...not like anyone texts/calls me...USUALLY...but today was a different story. i received the below text from someone with a 512 area code (i found out that it's a texas area code--thank you, google).

(512): sorry for the delay. not sure why i was a secret...no need. i am very outgoing, love people and am sometimes a bit too outspoken. I am sorry for addressing him in that way--certainly meant nothing but to be funny. If you are not comfortable with us being friends i totally understand--he is your man. i, however, will lose a nice friend.

after reading this, i immediately  had to text back with:

me: DAMN RIGHT HE'S MY MAN. YOU BEST STEP OFF, SISTA. OTHERWISE I'LL BE FORCED TO POP A CAP IN YO ASS. (that's my alter ego, shaniqua talking...maybe THIS is why i'm single)...

right as i'm about to hit send...i get this text message from the same number:

(512): WHOOPS! sent that to the wrong number. please disregard :)

512, you got lucky....THIS time...but if you mess with my non-existant boyfriend again, i will have to bring shaniqua back out...WATCH YO SELF...

Monday, August 30, 2010

"I'm drunk and it's ALL Lena's fault"...

as i'm sitting here on my couch, reading TFLN, and laughing my butt off (if you're not familiar with it, i suggest you check it out here: http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/...it's hilarious) anyways, i'm reminded of a particularly fun...SCRATCH THAT, an EPIC friday night...one so epic, that it took several people to piece together the evening...
the night started out great...it was one of my best friends erin's graduation from Paul Mitchell hair school. lena and I were so pumped to go see erin graduate because she had worked so hard for this! Only, I ended up working later than i should've, and ended up running a little late to pick up lena. if you know me, you know that i *hate* being late. it's a big pet peeve of mine....so i was rushing to get to her house and it happened to be 500 degrees outside...it's not cute when a girl sweats like a pig :/

i finally make it to lena's house and we jet over to the community center where erin's graduation was being held. luckily, the school was running late and was waiting for several of the graduates to arrive. so lena and i make it to our seats with our group. now, i was ALREADY sweating like a pig and when i managed to get into the auditorium, it felt like there was NO AC. actually, i'm not even sure there was AC. such cruel punishment...at this point, i'm complaining about how hot it was..."it's so hot in here...i SWEAR, i'm having hot flashes". it was not a pretty sight. finally, the graduation ceremony commences! we watch erin cross the stage and receive her diploma and congratulate her after the ceremony. after the ceremony was done, i managed to find a fan to try to cool myself off, with no such luck-SERIOUS HOT FLASHES, PEOPLE!!!! thank you to lena for capturing this on film:



unfortunately, not everyone could make it out afterwards to erin's little celebration at the bars in arlington...but no worries, lena, erin, jason (erin's super sweet boyfriend and designated driver for the night) were able to hold it down and party like rockstars. lena and i thought it would be a great idea to pre-game, so that we wouldn't have to pay for drinks at the bar. my first mistake of the night? that would be that i allowed lena to pour our drinks.she has a heavy hand...but if you ask her, she'll deny it. i managed to get myself cleaned up, put some fresh make up on, (i'm pretty sure i didn't make myself look like mimi from the drew carey show, but not 100% sure on that one) and we were out the door ready to celebrate!

my second mistake of the night? that was meeting up with my bartender friend, paul. as soon as we were at union jacks (which by the way, is a pretty fun bar in ballston, if you're in the area) the drinks started flowing.

my third mistake? that would be suggesting that we start off with some celebratory shots. oy vey. i don't even know how many shots were consumed there, but what i DO know, is that as i age, my tolerance decreases EXPONENTIALLY. this was a sad, depressing, miserable realization for me. after having several drinks and making my way on to the dance floor for a bit, erin suggests that we go to whitlows to meet up with some of her paul mitchell fellow graduates. we pay our tab and we make our way to the garage to get to the car.

at this point, it becomes apparent that i am HAMMERED. however, i was still able to give, and i quote myself  "the best directions EVER"! i managed to get us from union jacks to whitlows...and during the time i was giving directions, i was leaning out the window of jason's SUV screaming "I'M HAVING HOT FLASHES!!!" (of course, i don't remember giving directions OR yelling out the window, but i have jason as a sober witness to this whole evening and he recounted it the next morning.) ugh. now, this is where it all goes downhill for me (the rest of this story was pieced together by other people, so i am safe to assume that what they told me, actually happened). we walked to whitlows after parking the car and we are immediately met by some of erin's friends. erin chats for a bit, and then proceeds to do introductions:

erin: lisa, this is my friend.
melissa: hi, i'm melissa (shakes my hand)
me: hi, i'm hammered.
erin: what?! no, this is lisa.

yes, it was THAT kind of night. we make the rounds and chit chat with some other paul mitchell graduates and finally make it into the bar. i'm pretty sure i only had one drink, but at this point, who knows. erin decides that she wants to move on to another bar, rira's in arlington. so, again, we pay our tabs and move on. i don't remember leaving the bar, but i'm sure we did because as erin and jason make their way into the bar, lena and i decide, we need to sit outside for a little bit and we tell erin that we'll be right in. we sit on a bench outside a PNC bank and start drunk dialing everyone in our contact lists. GOOD GOD is all i can say...because the messages we left for everyone went something like this:

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEENT! YOU SHOULD USE PNC BANK AND USAA FOR ALL YOUR BANKING AND INSURANCE NEEDS!!! they're great!!!! WE LOVE ASHLEY! WE LOVE BRENT!!! BRENT-ASHLEY...BRASHLEY...NO NO NO...WE LOVE BRUNCH!!!!!! so we're gonna call you guys BRUNCHLY!!!!!

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea. and that's just ONE of SEVERAL messages we left. after 45 minutes, erin and jason manage to find us sitting and tell us that we need to go home. jason dropped lena and i off at her house and then we pass out. i wake up the next morning totally hungover. i look at my phone, and realized i had texted someone, "i'm drunk and it's all lena's fault...LOL". (it's always entertaining to read the text messages i send the next morning).
after reading the hilarious texts, my hangover started to kick in...it was MISERABLE. lena and i had promised erin that we would go to a graduation party with her saturday afternoon...and being the trooper that i am, i decided to go instead of dying from an intense hangover...the things i do for my friends ;) anyways, we see one of erin's friends, nataly, and i didn't even remember seeing her the night before:

erin: you remember nataly, don't you?
me: YES! hi, how are you?! (in my best attempt to disguise my hangover)
nataly: good, how are you? you don't look so good...
me: i'm a little hungover from last night. we went to union jacks and whitlows...
nataly: i know. i saw you out. you introduced yourself to me!
me: WHAT?! I SAW YOU LAST NIGHT?! i'm so sorry...i don't remember that :/

after hanging out in the bathroom, puking my brains out, it was time to go home. not a moment too soon either...cause i looked and felt like death. proof of that is below:




i nursed myself back to health just in time for work on monday. i get into the office, and see one of my co-workers/friends, cory. he comes to my cube to ask about my weekend:

cory: so, how was your weekend?
me: it was good. went to one of my best friends graduation and then partied in the ballston/arlington area afterwards. it was fun.
cory: wait a second...were you near whitlows?! and were you screaming out of a black suv of some sort?!!?
me: OMG. maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyybe.

SERIOUSLY?! what are the odds that i get spotted by a coworker...well, since we're talking about my luck, apparently, the odds are PRETTY GOOD...ugh.

EPIC is the only word to describe an evening like this...and even though i was super hungover, AND was spotted by a coworker, i would do it all over again-exactly the same! :) congrats again, erin!

Oh Mom...

it's inevitable...i WILL be making fun of my mom on here. :) she's cute, and i love her...but she's also the main reason i'm crazy...so it's only fair for me to blog about her. :)

i got a call from momma dukes the other day...and all calls from my mom start out exactly the same:

me: hello?
mom: Lisa??
me: nope, it's mother theresa. (long pause). umm, yea mom. it's me. what's up?

not sure who she thinks is going to answer my cell phone...anyways, back to the phone conversation....

mom: oh. have you talk to joey? he don't answer me. can you tech message him? (and yes, she meant, text message-but it comes out tech message with my mom's japanese accent)
me: umm, if he's not answering for you, then i highly doubt he'll respond to me.
mom: can you just do it please? you so quick.
me: fine. anything else?
mom: have you met a nice boy yet? i want you to be good friends with someone and make babies.
me: i'm hanging up now, mom. i'll talk to you later.

sheesh. if i had a dollar for everytime she asked me if i've "met a nice boy" i'm pretty sure i'd be insanely rich by now....

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Dear Aziz Ansari, I love you.

I feel the need to address some celebrities and let them know exactly how infatuated i am with them. First on my list...AZIZ ANSARI!!!!

Dear Aziz,
I looked at my calendar and realized that in just a mere 23 days, i will be seeing YOU in DC at the warner theatre!!!!! I. AM. STOKED! i have been talking about this show for MONTHS. (literally, since i bought these tickets back in march) i'm bringing my brother, so if you want to hit on me after the show, it's totally cool....'cause i AM single, ya know ;) i'm gonna post some of your links (for all those people that don't know who you are...they totally should-you are HILARIOUS!). I heard your new material is good...can't wait! Sooooo, i'm thinking you...me....a couple drinks after the show?!? think about it....
Love,
Lisa

Aziz Ansari (Harris)
Aziz on Jimmy Kimmel
Parks and Recreation
Aziz on Letterman

Monday, August 23, 2010

My First Blog!

I have FINALLY caved. I have officially started a blog...there must be pigs flying or hell must be freezing over! JUST KIDDING! I'm a little late with the trends, so don't judge. Besides, I'm a simple girl that is just trying to keep my head above water with myspace (yes, i still check that every once in awhile), facebook, emails, texts, IMs (yes, i still use Instant Messenger as well) and every other non-verbal communication outlet. Sheesh! this was just one more 'thing' to add to that list. I'm not exactly sure what i'll be writing about...or if it'll even be funny...but since one of my many "bucket list" items is to write a book, i figured this would be a good test/first step. I guess the first thing to do, is to introduce myself, right? My name is Lisa. I'm 2 years from turning 30 (which, i'm dreading...and DO NOT tell me that 30 is the new 20-that does NOT help). Obviously, (from my title) you know that I'm single, and that I find myself somewhat funny. I have a tendency to type the way I talk. I only work out so that I can come home to veg on the couch and eat a carton of ice cream. I love clothes, but hate dressing up (I'm a tshirt/jeans kind of girl). Music is my life. Those are the basic facts that you need to know about me, but stay tuned. I'll reveal more facts in later blogs...anyways, bare with me. I'm still new at this. Hopefully, I'll have some funny/witty/crazy experiences to share along this wild, blog ride. wish me luck!